Monday, October 28, 2013

day 28: free from fear (part 1)

today is the day i tackle the topic that i have been afraid to tackle.  ironic, huh? it's the one that has been staring me in the face this whole time that i just keep pushing out of the way, saying, another day, another day.  but i don't think i can put if off any longer. (considering i only have 3 days left!)

such a small word with such a huge impact.

i believe that fear is the number one reason i have not been walking in freedom for a very long time.  the fact that i am sitting here struggling to compose this post and that i have tried on three different occasions tells me i am right.  i believe the Lord wants me to confront these fears that have held me captive, but because i have become so settled in living with these fears, i am nervous about what life will look like if i shed these fears.  who will i become? what mask will i hide behind? what security will i have?

now just to clarify, i am not talking about a fear of the dark or like being home alone, though neither of which i am very fond of.  i am talking about the type of fear that prevents us from living out our true identity, that holds us prisoner from living the life that God has intended us to live.  

i can't say for sure when my fears first took me captive, but i know within the last year i have been able to identify them and have begun planning my escape.  i have discovered that my two main captors are Fear of Failure and Fear of What Others Think.  maybe you've heard of them, or maybe you know them very well.  these two often work together and set very clever traps.  they are vicious and do their job very well.  

and once you've been held captive for awhile, your judgment gets a little clouded and your vision a little blurry.  it seems that perhaps this is the way life is supposed to be.  maybe i'm supposed to do everything extremely well and if that's not the case, then it's not worth doing.  maybe i'm supposed to care what other people think. please everyone, offend no one, make a good impression, approval is everything. that's the way the world works, right?  yep, it's what they want you to believe.    

then all of a sudden it's like you forget what life is like without your Fears, your captors.  you become so comfortable living under their rules that it becomes scary to think about changing. but inside you know this is not the way that life is intended to be lived.  you know deep down inside you were meant for so much more.  

i can tell you that the more and more i fall in love with Jesus, the clearer my vision becomes and my heart longs for the freedom that it has been promised.  i am being lifted from the fog, and i am ready to kick these captors in the face. 

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