Thursday, October 24, 2013

day 24: there will always be grace.

{joining in with the nester in the 31 days blogging challenge. you can check out other topics here!}

when i first set out on this journey of writing every day for 31 days, i knew in my heart that i would miss a few days.  (i feel like my husband would say, way to go, defeatist attitude).  i'm really not a "glass half empty kind of girl", i just know how life can be, how i can be, so i figured there were going to be a few times that the blog got pushed to the back burner.

i did not anticipate that i would miss out on a whole week.

the first few days i missed were over the weekend, and they were pretty busy days:
2 connect groups in one day.
last minute cleaning effort for one of those groups.
crossfit event.
dinner & homecoming soccer game at Messiah in the pouring rain (we stayed for exactly 60 seconds because we promised eli a soccer game)
a disappointing shopping trip to old navy.
catching up with good friends in the food court at the mall over starbucks & dairy queen.
dance parties with 50 elementary kids.
witnessing baptisms.
lunch with friends.
a quick sunday nap.
dinner & time spent with family.

it was fun & life-giving & well worth it, but finding time to write just didn't happen.  and you know how once you get out of the routine of doing something, it's really hard to get back into it?  yeah, that's where i was.  i felt like i had a lot to say but nothing to say at all, so i didn't even attempt to sit at the computer to try.

and here's the thing about me, when i encounter something that feels "too big", i get overwhelmed and i shut down.  for instance when the house is a disaster zone, and i walk into every room with a laundry list of things that need to be taken care of in those rooms, i find myself sitting in my bed watching "parenthood" or scrolling through pinterest feeling depressed because i feel like a failure.   (that was my tuesday and why no writing occurred on that day.) because when i don't finish a task or struggle with keeping up, i immediately beat myself up and slap that "failure" label right on.

so as the days continued to go by and the gap grew larger and larger between the time i had last written, i was feeling a little overwhelmed and lost.  it felt a lot like that whole "one step forward, two steps backward" kind of thing, and to be honest, i just didn't know what to do with it.

but as i sit here this morning and write, i keep hearing the word "grace".  i tend not to have a whole lot of grace for myself, or others if i'm going to be honest.  i tend to forget the abundance of grace the Lord has for me and that no matter how many times i fail, it's ok because "to each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift." {Ephesians 4:7} so if we measure the grace given to us according to Christ's gift, that's a whole lot of grace!  Christ's gift, dying on a cross & taking on the sin of the world, giving up his life so that we could have eternal life?  is there a greater gift?

i'm learning that the journey to freedom is going to be a whole lot more like a marathon than a quick 31 day sprint.  there are going to be some bumps and obstacles along the way, and there will definitely be days that i just want to sit in the middle of the road and check out my instagram feed rather than doing the hard work.  but there will always be grace.

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