As we drove home today from our 3 hour long doctor appointment, I told my husband that today was going to be the day that I broke out of my blogging slump because I got some things I need to get off my chest!
From the get go, I knew this pregnancy was going to be different. I knew pretty much from the start it was a girl because I experienced symptoms I did not experience when I was pregnant with Eli. I questioned at 20 weeks how I was going to continue for 20 more weeks with the symptoms I was experiencing. Those symptoms have since gone and I've had some reprieve for the last 2 weeks, dare I say I've felt really good for the last 2 weeks and have enjoyed being pregnant! But one thing has not changed that I was totally not ready for. Apparently I should start using a cane and ask for a senior citizen discount because that is how I am being treated with this pregnancy!
Sure I've got some gray hairs creeping in, but Friends, I am about to turn 36. Upon leaving my doctor appointments, however, I feel as though I have unknowingly advanced in age and am about to turn 76! Prior to this pregnancy, I thought maybe we might just try for a third, but now I'm truly afraid. Not because I would be an older mom or anything like that. I'm afraid they would require me to use a wheelchair and them to use a megaphone to speak to me in fear that my hearing aid wasn't turned on.
Can I tell you that I honestly feel like there is something wrong with me every time I leave an appointment? Like, is "old lady having a baby" in that big ol' medical book with all the current medical conditions? (I know it has a name but I didn't really know what to Google to figure it out!)
Should I start wearing a medical alert bracelet? I know, along with my glucose test, it's probably gonna be issued at my next appointment.
Imagine the poor woman who our doctor told us about at our very first appointment who she had just come from seeing who was 52!?!?! God bless you, my geriatric sister-friend.
So now that they've got me worrying my baby is going to come out with 3 heads and have this syndrome and that syndrome and I'm elbow deep in blood tests, I'll just go on my merry way, me and my gray hairs and all my 36 years.
If you know me at all, you know I use the term "worrying" quite lightly because I'm not really worried. I'm not a worrier! It's just that this is the most insecure I've felt in a really long time. It's not so much the pregnancy cravings that require me to keep ice cream in the freezer at all times, it's the insecurity I feel after every appointment!
I'll tell you what I am 100% secure about though. That God has formed this baby. He knit her together, knows her inside and out. She is fearfully and wonderfully made. He has appointed this time in my life to carry this little girl for a purpose. He has chosen me as her Mommy and He has chosen Mike as her Daddy, and I couldn't be more thrilled that He chose Eli as her big brother. She is a gift to us. She is so loved already, and I can't wait to meet her!!
So, I'll just remind my doctors at my next appointment that Sarah was 91 when she had Isaac. They'll probably be appalled and drop over, but I'll just tap them with my cane as I skip on out of the office!